Mum and I went to a wedding fair yesterday, and I think the challenge is now on. Vendors have started saying, "Oh, you're cutting it fine now, not having it arranged." So. Challenge time. Let's make a game of it! Mum's going away for a fortnight, and, having just been to the wedding fair, motivation is now up. I'm challenging myself to do 50 wedding things in that time. So, 50 phone calls, emails, decisions, conversations, arrangements made or quotes received. Anything that will actually give us traction, not busy-work.
1. Text Photographer to arrange time to meet. (My mate from church, which is why I'm ok texting.)
2. Looked through 30+ menus.
3. On finding nothing suitable, wrote out food wish-list.
4. Made drinks wish-list.
5. Text Mum re: do we need wedding insurance? + Follow-up phone-call, conclusion is "probably yes, do some research into other options for it."
6. Went through Mum's (extensive) list of concerns/queries and gave answers to almost all of them; have marked ones without answers for follow-up.
7. Went through all leaflets acquired from wedding fair, + all those I had previously, discarded anything irrelevant to us, paper-clipped like with like and labelled the items (e.g. all the leaflets about flowers together), and have sorted each into the relevant section of the wedding book. For perspective, the pile acquired today was nearly 3in thick.
8. Wrote extensive to-do list (not as good as a Done-list like this, but I needed to record them somewhere).
9. Collated/organised/labelled nearly all info in one section of wedding book (Before the Wedding). Have not so far included all the info about attire, but that's probably as big a task again.*
10. Messaged my friend who's doing the cakes to ask if they will be delivered or need collecting.
11. Found out she delivers -- score!
12. Message my cousin to see if she still makes lingerie.
13. Looked up hotel for first night. It doesn't look that impressive (but it is very close to the train station).
14. Tried to ring hotel to see if they have a bridal suite -- no reply.
15. Looked up attractions in the place we're thinking of going to for our honeymoon. There's loads of things I actually want to do in that place! Maybe too many -- we'll easily have earned a holiday by then, and we don't want to be running here, there and everywhere all day every day. But at any rate, the decision to go there has been confirmed.
16. Found a nice hotel to stay in.
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*I thought I'd made a follow-up post to the one where I mentioned the Wedding Book, but I've just checked and I didn't -- apologies. Yes, I went with a book in the end, not a binder. I had a tabbed notebook, which I've repurposed, with sections as follows: Before the Wedding, Rehearsal Dinner and Hen-Do, Day of the Wedding and Ceremony, Reception (needs it's own tab!), Honeymoon and Emigrating. Now I've been using it for a little while, I've noticed that some extra tabs may be useful, namely: General (currently I'm just tucking those things into the front of the book, but it's only semi-working), and USA Reception (we're videoing the day, and having a party to show the video off once we get back stateside, but that probably needs a bit of organising, too). I have another of the tabbed books (the same as the current one), so I might see if I can take a couple of the dividers out and insert them into my book. The dividers are moveable, but I've already written contents pages at the front of each section -- I'll see what I can do.
Showing posts with label down the aisle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label down the aisle. Show all posts
Monday, 8 September 2014
Thursday, 4 September 2014
Feeling nervous
Pete and I had a long chat today, mostly about gift lists. I think they're the height of bad manners and will do pretty much ... a lot of stuff ... not to have one. I don't want my wedding to have an "entrance fee". That is kinda how I see it.
Pete can see my point, but not as strongly as I see it. He can also see Brenda's point -- she's (by the sound of it) driving the "you need a gift list" van pretty heavily. I'm going to talk about that with her.
But, I'm nervous.
This is the first time, I think, we've had a major difference of opinion.
Partly it's cultural, perhaps. Maybe there's also an element of "tradition for tradition's sake" (which, in general, I am not a fan of). In my case, it's the way I was brought up, so there's definitely an element of wanting to please my Dad and my late Grandmother about it, coupled with, having considered the matter from an admittedly biased perspective, I have found no reason to change my view, but only to strengthen it.
I especially hate the idea of sending the gift list with the invitation. And yet, isn't it putting more stress and hassle on guests to have them look it up somewhere? Isn't it better just not to have one? To ask for recipes and photos and such instead, that don't have a financial cost?
We'll see, I guess.
Pete can see my point, but not as strongly as I see it. He can also see Brenda's point -- she's (by the sound of it) driving the "you need a gift list" van pretty heavily. I'm going to talk about that with her.
But, I'm nervous.
This is the first time, I think, we've had a major difference of opinion.
Partly it's cultural, perhaps. Maybe there's also an element of "tradition for tradition's sake" (which, in general, I am not a fan of). In my case, it's the way I was brought up, so there's definitely an element of wanting to please my Dad and my late Grandmother about it, coupled with, having considered the matter from an admittedly biased perspective, I have found no reason to change my view, but only to strengthen it.
I especially hate the idea of sending the gift list with the invitation. And yet, isn't it putting more stress and hassle on guests to have them look it up somewhere? Isn't it better just not to have one? To ask for recipes and photos and such instead, that don't have a financial cost?
We'll see, I guess.
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
Plans change -- 4-way call.
Pete was very helpful handling my dilemmas mentioned yesterday. He helped me break it down into what needs to be done now, and what needs to be done later. It's not the worst thing in the world if I ship half-finished craft projects or books I want to read later. He's pointed me to recruitment agencies rather than struggling through trying to apply for jobs entirely by myself. Maybe stepping back a little from facebook and the internet, even if not completely.
We had the 4-way call with Pete, Brenda, my Mum and I recently as well. We talked about the balance of risks with having a large crowd at the wedding: either, we need to book the venue and pay the deposit, and risk having a room for 250 people and have 60 people show up and look lost in it, or we need to delay finding a venue until we have replies back from invitations, and risk that we won't be able to find anywhere at much shorter notice. It's a risk either way, especially given that, due to the international nature of mine and Pete's relationship, there are likely to be quite a few who aren't able to make the flight, but we have no idea how many "quite a few" is.
So, we're sending the invites early (next week, if we can), and are putting "reception details to follow".
I hope people are willing to commit that far in advance!
In other news, the call went well, we spoke for about an hour, although we were all surprisingly nervous! I even got changed and put on make up specifically for the occasion, and it's my own Mum! (I have spoken to Brenda without getting changed or wearing makeup lots of times.) Mum and Brenda were both a bit nervous about meeting each other, I think. But it went well. We recapped all of the decisions we've made so far, we got the details about the invites sorted, we have the provisional details about when Pete is coming over for Christmas, and we've agreed to speak nearer the time about all the details relating to the week before the wedding.
Everything sounds good so far! And I am happy to have one thing to focus on regarding the wedding, not 7000 or so. Invites. I just need to do the invites, and we'll worry about the rest later.
We had the 4-way call with Pete, Brenda, my Mum and I recently as well. We talked about the balance of risks with having a large crowd at the wedding: either, we need to book the venue and pay the deposit, and risk having a room for 250 people and have 60 people show up and look lost in it, or we need to delay finding a venue until we have replies back from invitations, and risk that we won't be able to find anywhere at much shorter notice. It's a risk either way, especially given that, due to the international nature of mine and Pete's relationship, there are likely to be quite a few who aren't able to make the flight, but we have no idea how many "quite a few" is.
So, we're sending the invites early (next week, if we can), and are putting "reception details to follow".
I hope people are willing to commit that far in advance!
In other news, the call went well, we spoke for about an hour, although we were all surprisingly nervous! I even got changed and put on make up specifically for the occasion, and it's my own Mum! (I have spoken to Brenda without getting changed or wearing makeup lots of times.) Mum and Brenda were both a bit nervous about meeting each other, I think. But it went well. We recapped all of the decisions we've made so far, we got the details about the invites sorted, we have the provisional details about when Pete is coming over for Christmas, and we've agreed to speak nearer the time about all the details relating to the week before the wedding.
Everything sounds good so far! And I am happy to have one thing to focus on regarding the wedding, not 7000 or so. Invites. I just need to do the invites, and we'll worry about the rest later.
Friday, 15 August 2014
Wedding Outfits (Mothers)
When I spoke to Brenda last week, we also got to talking about wedding outfits. Not for the bridal party, which we are planning separately, but for the family. Grab a cuppa whilst we flick through the catalogue together.
Brenda mentioned a tradition she encountered when attending a wedding of her close family friends: the mother of the bride wears blue, and the mother of the groom wears pink, and asked if there was anything like that in England that she should be aware of when she came to get her own outfit. I'd never heard of the above tradition -- that wedding had a bride from "the South" (of the USA). It's kind of its own country, in the way that "the North" of England is kind of its own country too. But no, there's nothing like that here.
My Mum has already bought her outfit - the full outfit. Shoes, bag, fascinator, the lot. This is because, before we had a wedding date, we had thought that maybe, once we got a date, we would move really quickly -- 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 12 weeks maximum, kind of timing. So we were laying the plans in rough draft so they were all ready to go-go-go when the time came.
So Mum has bought her outfit, and it looks lovely. I haven't seen it on yet, but it looks good on the hanger. I hope she won't mind me telling you, it's cream with black accenting. She didn't have the fascinator yet when Brenda and I spoke.
Brenda was asking me about the dress code. Obviously it's a wedding, so "fancy" is appropriate. She asked about hats and fascinators. Mum really does not have a hat face, which is why I thought she'd get a fascinator. She'd been trying different ones on in a few different places, but I think Brenda will get a hat. Maybe a big hat. I didn't tell her this, but I think a blue will look great on Brenda. I hope she finds something great!
(Sidebar: family friends of my own once had to fly to Italy for their daughter's wedding, and she -- Mother -- had a massive hat that needed its own seat. The Italian airport on the way back was actually considerably less perplexed by the idea of paying for an extra seat for the hat, than the British airport were for the journey out there.)
Oh, and Mum bought her fascinator the day after this conversation; she walked past a stall in the shopping centre that she'd never seen before and they had the EXACT fascinator she wants, right there. The EXACT same shade of cream as the shoes (that are just a smidgeon lighter than the dress), it was cream edged in black and not black edged in cream, like she needed, and was of the clippy variety, seeing as Mum had tried various headband styles and found they hurt her ears.
Things like that happen to Mum a lot. She grabbed a scarf and paid for it quickly in a shop in Amsterdam when they were on a river cruise and her coat let in a draught. They only had a few minutes before the boat left again, and she couldn't have picked a colour closer to the colour of her coat if she'd spent three months looking. When she and my stepdad were getting married, the first cake shop they went into had the exact cake that she wanted as one of the displays. They tried to offer to change the shape of the cake, the number of tiers, the shape or colour of the protruding decorations, and it took five times to tell them that she wanted a copy of that cake, exactly as it was.
We finally also set a date for the four-way calling, so I wonder if Mum will show Brenda her outfit then?
Brenda mentioned a tradition she encountered when attending a wedding of her close family friends: the mother of the bride wears blue, and the mother of the groom wears pink, and asked if there was anything like that in England that she should be aware of when she came to get her own outfit. I'd never heard of the above tradition -- that wedding had a bride from "the South" (of the USA). It's kind of its own country, in the way that "the North" of England is kind of its own country too. But no, there's nothing like that here.
My Mum has already bought her outfit - the full outfit. Shoes, bag, fascinator, the lot. This is because, before we had a wedding date, we had thought that maybe, once we got a date, we would move really quickly -- 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 12 weeks maximum, kind of timing. So we were laying the plans in rough draft so they were all ready to go-go-go when the time came.
So Mum has bought her outfit, and it looks lovely. I haven't seen it on yet, but it looks good on the hanger. I hope she won't mind me telling you, it's cream with black accenting. She didn't have the fascinator yet when Brenda and I spoke.
Brenda was asking me about the dress code. Obviously it's a wedding, so "fancy" is appropriate. She asked about hats and fascinators. Mum really does not have a hat face, which is why I thought she'd get a fascinator. She'd been trying different ones on in a few different places, but I think Brenda will get a hat. Maybe a big hat. I didn't tell her this, but I think a blue will look great on Brenda. I hope she finds something great!
(Sidebar: family friends of my own once had to fly to Italy for their daughter's wedding, and she -- Mother -- had a massive hat that needed its own seat. The Italian airport on the way back was actually considerably less perplexed by the idea of paying for an extra seat for the hat, than the British airport were for the journey out there.)
Oh, and Mum bought her fascinator the day after this conversation; she walked past a stall in the shopping centre that she'd never seen before and they had the EXACT fascinator she wants, right there. The EXACT same shade of cream as the shoes (that are just a smidgeon lighter than the dress), it was cream edged in black and not black edged in cream, like she needed, and was of the clippy variety, seeing as Mum had tried various headband styles and found they hurt her ears.
Things like that happen to Mum a lot. She grabbed a scarf and paid for it quickly in a shop in Amsterdam when they were on a river cruise and her coat let in a draught. They only had a few minutes before the boat left again, and she couldn't have picked a colour closer to the colour of her coat if she'd spent three months looking. When she and my stepdad were getting married, the first cake shop they went into had the exact cake that she wanted as one of the displays. They tried to offer to change the shape of the cake, the number of tiers, the shape or colour of the protruding decorations, and it took five times to tell them that she wanted a copy of that cake, exactly as it was.
We finally also set a date for the four-way calling, so I wonder if Mum will show Brenda her outfit then?
Wednesday, 13 August 2014
Always On
This is a story for a cup of tea, with two friends curled up on the sofa. Go put the kettle on and then come back.
Things have been difficult here lately. I've had headaches quite a lot, and I've been getting overwhelmed. I realised today that at least part of the problem is that I'm required to always "be on". Looking after kids is a full-on, ALL day endeavour. Living in a could-be-tidier household is an "always-on" endeavour, because there's always something to be done to make it nicer. Housework is never "done"; there's always something else to do and research with wedding planning, and the same goes for running a blog and trying to get a consistent schedule.
None of which is necessarily a problem, just that I'm not getting much of the payoff for it -- the kids' parents get all the lovey-dovey moments, I'm planning this wedding but not with Pete as such, etc.
I need to be gentle with myself. I'll still be writing, I have lots of ideas, but for now I am skipping things like Make-a-plan Monday, Wedding Planning Wednesday, etc.
I'll be gentle with myself and I'll let you know how it goes. How are you, friends? Let me make some more tea too.
Things have been difficult here lately. I've had headaches quite a lot, and I've been getting overwhelmed. I realised today that at least part of the problem is that I'm required to always "be on". Looking after kids is a full-on, ALL day endeavour. Living in a could-be-tidier household is an "always-on" endeavour, because there's always something to be done to make it nicer. Housework is never "done"; there's always something else to do and research with wedding planning, and the same goes for running a blog and trying to get a consistent schedule.
None of which is necessarily a problem, just that I'm not getting much of the payoff for it -- the kids' parents get all the lovey-dovey moments, I'm planning this wedding but not with Pete as such, etc.
I need to be gentle with myself. I'll still be writing, I have lots of ideas, but for now I am skipping things like Make-a-plan Monday, Wedding Planning Wednesday, etc.
I'll be gentle with myself and I'll let you know how it goes. How are you, friends? Let me make some more tea too.
Thursday, 7 August 2014
Wedding Planning Wednesday -- Gathering my Supplies
Sorry for the delay, my internet crashed just as I was about to post. Good job I saved it!
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A fortnight ago, I didn't really have any papers for wedding planning. A few items (mostly flyers and business cards) were in a box. My Mum had quite a lot of papers too. We had a good ole session making an actual plan about ten days ago. The numbers of papers I have seems to have multiplied.
I wrote a to-do list (I did about 75% of it and then lost the list -- better than my usual batting average!). I have a piece of paper I've drawn a rough draft of the invites on. I have prices for some things now, and not just in my head. I relocated the "bride's book of lists" we bought when we were first engaged, in the USA, so now I have that with me (and it's actually useful! Tell that to 10-months-ago-me who was crossing things out in it left right and centre). The samples for the bridesmaids dresses have also arrived; all of my stuff is in a big gift bag that came with a present someone from church gave me in preparation for the wedding.
Since then I also have more lists. Lists, lists, lists! I have to confess, it's great not having everything in my head. I didn't even realise that until I'd written it down.
I'm getting together with almost all of the bridesmaids, individually, this weekend. (Ironically, the noticeable absence from that list is the one I live with, who is currently away camping.) The one who loves notebooks is going to try to sell me on notebooks to put all of my wedding papers in. I am open to convincing, but I still haven't ruled out a more binder-like structure. Stay tuned.
Sunday, 27 July 2014
Spirit Sundays -- Conviction
During the summer, my church has switched to all-age services every week. As part of this, we've been watching some videos entitled 'What's in the Bible?', that are aimed at children (they use puppets), but are packed full of good stuff theologically. In today's video, they defined sin (things that cause separation from God) as, when we let others tell us to do our own thing even if it hurts other people's feelings.
Wow, conviction! Hit me square in the chest!
How many times during wedding planning do we hear or say the words that it's our wedding, it should be what we want (and to hell with people who want us to do it differently)? How many times have I had the exact same attitude towards my own Mum? We have very different ideas, and in order to protect my own and give them a fighting chance to occur, I've been, well, protective. Defensive. Unpleasant. Without being deliberately callous about it, I've hurt her feelings.
I am trying to learn from my mistakes. I had a long talk with Pete about it, of the "I hate it when you're right" variety. Then, because I gave a bit and she gave a bit, we've actually made real traction with wedding planning, so that's a good thing (I had gone round specifically to do wedding planning with Mum). I now have an actionable to-do list that I intend to complete soon. I've identified (most of) the things I need to do now, and the things that can wait until later. The impartial 'Bride's Book of Lists' that I've bought has helped in that regard too. Most of the items on my list can be undertaken in 15 minutes or less, many in five.
Bring it on.
Wow, conviction! Hit me square in the chest!
How many times during wedding planning do we hear or say the words that it's our wedding, it should be what we want (and to hell with people who want us to do it differently)? How many times have I had the exact same attitude towards my own Mum? We have very different ideas, and in order to protect my own and give them a fighting chance to occur, I've been, well, protective. Defensive. Unpleasant. Without being deliberately callous about it, I've hurt her feelings.
I am trying to learn from my mistakes. I had a long talk with Pete about it, of the "I hate it when you're right" variety. Then, because I gave a bit and she gave a bit, we've actually made real traction with wedding planning, so that's a good thing (I had gone round specifically to do wedding planning with Mum). I now have an actionable to-do list that I intend to complete soon. I've identified (most of) the things I need to do now, and the things that can wait until later. The impartial 'Bride's Book of Lists' that I've bought has helped in that regard too. Most of the items on my list can be undertaken in 15 minutes or less, many in five.
Bring it on.
Tuesday, 22 July 2014
Put a fresh pot on, whilst I tell you about Brenda. I love Brenda. She has the biggest heart.
Put a fresh pot on, whilst I tell you about Brenda. I love Brenda. She has the biggest heart.
Brenda has been so kind to me, so welcoming. She's really patient, she's a great listener, she's become my go-to person to listen to all of my own family dramas. (And where there's a wedding, there's family dramas!)
The inviting us to continue living with her isn't just because of money. We could move somewhere else. My cousin in Canada advocates for that country as a possible base (and if it had the climate of Australia, we'd consider it). There are other places. There are other places in the SF area. We could move to Pete's old college town. He could come and live with me on my side of the pond. We have options.
Brenda -- and all of Pete's family -- have taken me in with open arms from the beginning, she genuinely loves me.
It might be true that part of the reason is also because she's worried about being lonely. I don't know if she's ever lived on her own. We all do most things from mixed motives, but she says she'll be fine so I'll believe her.
I didn't realise this until Pete pointed it out, but the main factor in the decision, though, genuinely was altruism. She knows that I won't know anyone when I move over, and Pete will be at work all day. It'll be very easy in those circumstances to sit around and kind of get a bit of a pointless existence apart from waiting for Pete to get home, and then maybe be sullen, withdrawn, or - God forbid - manipulative, when I finally do see him. That won't be good for our marriage at all! Plus I'll likely be homesick...
Brenda saw all of that (or something of it) before I did. It's completely true. I can barely make it through a weekend of house-sitting without getting stir-crazy for having no-one to talk to, and not really eating properly. And yeah, there may be times where Pete and I have to be apart overnight sometimes. I hate that fact, I'd love to be the couple that gets to their golden wedding anniversary and had never spent a night apart, but I don't know from here how feasible or realistic that idea even is. Maybe the only people who ever did it were from a different age and it's just not possible any more. We'll see.
But living with Brenda will be great. I'll have someone to talk to, I'll have someone to wash dishes for during the day (yes, I need someone to wash them for, usually, in order to wash them), I can get permission then and there if I want to move a piece of furniture around, whatever.
At the same time, she will be there, but she won't be intrusive. Pete sometimes goes three days without seeing her (he's out to work before Brenda gets up, and two nights in a row he goes to social activities straight from work).
I love Brenda. Just thought the blog needed a bit of balance so that the (genuine) difficulties I/we experience or anticipate from our proposed living situation don't come across as cruel or mean towards Brenda. I love Brenda. She's the best (apart from Pete!).
Brenda has been so kind to me, so welcoming. She's really patient, she's a great listener, she's become my go-to person to listen to all of my own family dramas. (And where there's a wedding, there's family dramas!)
The inviting us to continue living with her isn't just because of money. We could move somewhere else. My cousin in Canada advocates for that country as a possible base (and if it had the climate of Australia, we'd consider it). There are other places. There are other places in the SF area. We could move to Pete's old college town. He could come and live with me on my side of the pond. We have options.
Brenda -- and all of Pete's family -- have taken me in with open arms from the beginning, she genuinely loves me.
It might be true that part of the reason is also because she's worried about being lonely. I don't know if she's ever lived on her own. We all do most things from mixed motives, but she says she'll be fine so I'll believe her.
I didn't realise this until Pete pointed it out, but the main factor in the decision, though, genuinely was altruism. She knows that I won't know anyone when I move over, and Pete will be at work all day. It'll be very easy in those circumstances to sit around and kind of get a bit of a pointless existence apart from waiting for Pete to get home, and then maybe be sullen, withdrawn, or - God forbid - manipulative, when I finally do see him. That won't be good for our marriage at all! Plus I'll likely be homesick...
Brenda saw all of that (or something of it) before I did. It's completely true. I can barely make it through a weekend of house-sitting without getting stir-crazy for having no-one to talk to, and not really eating properly. And yeah, there may be times where Pete and I have to be apart overnight sometimes. I hate that fact, I'd love to be the couple that gets to their golden wedding anniversary and had never spent a night apart, but I don't know from here how feasible or realistic that idea even is. Maybe the only people who ever did it were from a different age and it's just not possible any more. We'll see.
But living with Brenda will be great. I'll have someone to talk to, I'll have someone to wash dishes for during the day (yes, I need someone to wash them for, usually, in order to wash them), I can get permission then and there if I want to move a piece of furniture around, whatever.
At the same time, she will be there, but she won't be intrusive. Pete sometimes goes three days without seeing her (he's out to work before Brenda gets up, and two nights in a row he goes to social activities straight from work).
I love Brenda. Just thought the blog needed a bit of balance so that the (genuine) difficulties I/we experience or anticipate from our proposed living situation don't come across as cruel or mean towards Brenda. I love Brenda. She's the best (apart from Pete!).
Sunday, 20 July 2014
Spirit Sundays -- Come People of The Risen King
I love this song. It's going to be in our wedding. (See also: I'm tired, and wanted a really easy post for Sunday.)
Lyric version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9j07fbld3uY
Lyric version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9j07fbld3uY
Saturday, 19 July 2014
What Does Sarah Get Up To? Let's Have Some More Tea.
I'm guest blogging over at Parentwin today. (Is it ParentWin or ParenTwin? Nobody knows!) In it I explain a little bit about what I get up to currently, whilst Pete and I are still living thousands of miles apart.
I'm lodging with friends and I take some of the care of their two children, and do some of the housework, in exchange for free bed and board. They're very generous to me. I try to be generous back. But if you see me referring to "the kids", or Older Son/Younger Son, this is who I mean.
Pour another cup and click through above to read about my experiences establishing a hierarchy in this family.
Whilst we're on the subject, paid work is slow, currently, but I have a profession: I'm an accountant. So is Pete.
Other than that, I'm doing my writing, I'm finishing up all those half-finished projects so I don't have to take them with me when I move, I go to church, I see my friends. I just had one of my bridesmaids and her 10-month-old daughter (also going to be a bridesmaid -- well, flower-girl, really) come round today. We adults were practicing wedding makeup. The result is... we need more information. More makeup to choose from than what I have, and better brushes. We completely disagreed over the necessity of bright white sparkly eyeshadow, that I'd forgotten I have but really like. But that's what oldest friends are for.
I'm lodging with friends and I take some of the care of their two children, and do some of the housework, in exchange for free bed and board. They're very generous to me. I try to be generous back. But if you see me referring to "the kids", or Older Son/Younger Son, this is who I mean.
Pour another cup and click through above to read about my experiences establishing a hierarchy in this family.
Whilst we're on the subject, paid work is slow, currently, but I have a profession: I'm an accountant. So is Pete.
Other than that, I'm doing my writing, I'm finishing up all those half-finished projects so I don't have to take them with me when I move, I go to church, I see my friends. I just had one of my bridesmaids and her 10-month-old daughter (also going to be a bridesmaid -- well, flower-girl, really) come round today. We adults were practicing wedding makeup. The result is... we need more information. More makeup to choose from than what I have, and better brushes. We completely disagreed over the necessity of bright white sparkly eyeshadow, that I'd forgotten I have but really like. But that's what oldest friends are for.
Friday, 18 July 2014
Bigger Is Always Better, Right?
The only (major) thing Pete and I have disagreed on during the wedding planning process is about the size of the wedding. He's quite reserved, and therefore wants/wanted a small wedding, 20-30 people total. Ironically, I also am quite shy. But I wanted to handle this by getting lost in the crowd. Having maybe 500 people turn up, so I wouldn't be expected to spend more than ten minutes in direct conversation with any one person, and if I bobbed out of sight for half an hour to get a bit of quiet, no one would notice or care.
But more to the point, I considered "having to be the centre of attention" as the price I have to pay in order not to exclude anyone. How is having more people whom I/we love, who love me/us and want to come to our wedding, in any way a bad thing? And how could I turn round to people who love me/us enough to want to come and say "Thanks so much for your gesture of friendship in wanting to support me/us on the most important day of our lives; thanks but no thanks, please don't come?" I couldn't. Not even a little bit.
I hate "overruling" Pete, it is his wedding and his marriage too, and he's (obviously) very important to me. I don't want to do anything that would make him uncomfortable or unhappy, even for a little bit. I love him.
However, when I thought and prayed about the matter, even after having said I'll trim my side down to around 30 guests (as low as I could go), I just couldn't do it. The very thought cuts right across the grain of who I am.
I'll do anything for Pete. I'll make any accommodation I can to make him happy and comfortable. I love him.
But I can't actually change me. I don't think he'd like that person if I did. We're having a large wedding.
But more to the point, I considered "having to be the centre of attention" as the price I have to pay in order not to exclude anyone. How is having more people whom I/we love, who love me/us and want to come to our wedding, in any way a bad thing? And how could I turn round to people who love me/us enough to want to come and say "Thanks so much for your gesture of friendship in wanting to support me/us on the most important day of our lives; thanks but no thanks, please don't come?" I couldn't. Not even a little bit.
I hate "overruling" Pete, it is his wedding and his marriage too, and he's (obviously) very important to me. I don't want to do anything that would make him uncomfortable or unhappy, even for a little bit. I love him.
However, when I thought and prayed about the matter, even after having said I'll trim my side down to around 30 guests (as low as I could go), I just couldn't do it. The very thought cuts right across the grain of who I am.
I'll do anything for Pete. I'll make any accommodation I can to make him happy and comfortable. I love him.
But I can't actually change me. I don't think he'd like that person if I did. We're having a large wedding.
Wednesday, 16 July 2014
Pour Yourself a Cup of Tea and Let's Get to Know Each Other
Hello, I'm Sarah.
A British chick soon to be married to a San Franciscan, and then embarking on the adventure of a lifetime moving to California, USA to be with him. Go put the kettle on and settle in whilst I tell you a bit more about me, him and our story.
Peter and I met online (not on a dating site) in the Spring of 2012. We chatted with increasing frequency throughout the Summer, making our relationship official in the Autumn. Yes, before we'd met in person. Some thought we were crazy -- some probably still do. He came over for a glorious fortnight at the beginning of the following year. A long and lonely Spring and Summer later, I made it out stateside, where we got engaged. Now we're back in the world of video chats and looking forward to planning our wedding -- we've just set the date for next April. I'm excited!
If you've been following the timeline here, it does mean that we haven't seen each other at all so far in 2014. However, we are getting married in the UK, and that means that more time is required than in the USA. Getting registered to get married is valid for up to a year, but must be done a minimum of 15 full days prior to the ceremony, in order to give the locals the opportunity to object to the marriage if needed, e.g., if they could verify that one or the other had been married previously. Bizarrely, this increases to 16 days for a religious ceremony, and as we are both Christians, this is the type of wedding we will have.
Given the international nature of our relationship, Pete also has to have been in the country for 7 full days before we go to get registered to get married -- and we have to go together, in person. This makes a total of 23 full days Pete will have to be here before the wedding, and that's not including any time for a honeymoon, or for packing up and moving. Also, Americans get pitiful amounts of holidays from work (although 23++ days in one go would be rare here too). Therefore, we are going to break it up. Have him be in the country for the seven days and we get registered to get married, then wait out the 16-days-plus-a-few-months back in the land of the video chat, and have him come over a few days before the wedding. Hope he won't be too jet-lagged!
The good news in this plan is that Pete is going to come and visit me for Christmas! I can't wait! (Seriously, I'm already playing Christmas songs, the ones that count down to having one's beloved arrive back on Christmas Day. Yes, in July. Thinking about snow also has the same effect as a cool breeze on these hot summer days, though. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. But mostly I'm just starting the countdown a bit early.) The bad news is that I have to wait until Christmas to see him again... when I've already been waiting since last October. When another October will have passed us by, meaning both our dating and engagement anniversaries will have gone without us seeing each other in the flesh. I don't know how I'll handle that.
On that sad note, has the kettle boiled yet? I'll take tea with lemon and sugar, please. I've got a lot more to say, and we've got all afternoon, but in the meantime, why don't you leave me a note and start telling me your story. I'll play Mum.*
*Note to Americans and other foreigners: the British very often say "I'll play Mum," when they mean "I'll pour the tea from the teapot into the cups." We take this element of the tea-ritual very seriously.
A British chick soon to be married to a San Franciscan, and then embarking on the adventure of a lifetime moving to California, USA to be with him. Go put the kettle on and settle in whilst I tell you a bit more about me, him and our story.
Peter and I met online (not on a dating site) in the Spring of 2012. We chatted with increasing frequency throughout the Summer, making our relationship official in the Autumn. Yes, before we'd met in person. Some thought we were crazy -- some probably still do. He came over for a glorious fortnight at the beginning of the following year. A long and lonely Spring and Summer later, I made it out stateside, where we got engaged. Now we're back in the world of video chats and looking forward to planning our wedding -- we've just set the date for next April. I'm excited!
If you've been following the timeline here, it does mean that we haven't seen each other at all so far in 2014. However, we are getting married in the UK, and that means that more time is required than in the USA. Getting registered to get married is valid for up to a year, but must be done a minimum of 15 full days prior to the ceremony, in order to give the locals the opportunity to object to the marriage if needed, e.g., if they could verify that one or the other had been married previously. Bizarrely, this increases to 16 days for a religious ceremony, and as we are both Christians, this is the type of wedding we will have.
Given the international nature of our relationship, Pete also has to have been in the country for 7 full days before we go to get registered to get married -- and we have to go together, in person. This makes a total of 23 full days Pete will have to be here before the wedding, and that's not including any time for a honeymoon, or for packing up and moving. Also, Americans get pitiful amounts of holidays from work (although 23++ days in one go would be rare here too). Therefore, we are going to break it up. Have him be in the country for the seven days and we get registered to get married, then wait out the 16-days-plus-a-few-months back in the land of the video chat, and have him come over a few days before the wedding. Hope he won't be too jet-lagged!
The good news in this plan is that Pete is going to come and visit me for Christmas! I can't wait! (Seriously, I'm already playing Christmas songs, the ones that count down to having one's beloved arrive back on Christmas Day. Yes, in July. Thinking about snow also has the same effect as a cool breeze on these hot summer days, though. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. But mostly I'm just starting the countdown a bit early.) The bad news is that I have to wait until Christmas to see him again... when I've already been waiting since last October. When another October will have passed us by, meaning both our dating and engagement anniversaries will have gone without us seeing each other in the flesh. I don't know how I'll handle that.
On that sad note, has the kettle boiled yet? I'll take tea with lemon and sugar, please. I've got a lot more to say, and we've got all afternoon, but in the meantime, why don't you leave me a note and start telling me your story. I'll play Mum.*
*Note to Americans and other foreigners: the British very often say "I'll play Mum," when they mean "I'll pour the tea from the teapot into the cups." We take this element of the tea-ritual very seriously.
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