Friday, 18 July 2014

Bigger Is Always Better, Right?

The only (major) thing Pete and I have disagreed on during the wedding planning process is about the size of the wedding. He's quite reserved, and therefore wants/wanted a small wedding, 20-30 people total. Ironically, I also am quite shy. But I wanted to handle this by getting lost in the crowd. Having maybe 500 people turn up, so I wouldn't be expected to spend more than ten minutes in direct conversation with any one person, and if I bobbed out of sight for half an hour to get a bit of quiet, no one would notice or care.

But more to the point, I considered "having to be the centre of attention" as the price I have to pay in order not to exclude anyone. How is having more people whom I/we love, who love me/us and want to come to our wedding, in any way a bad thing? And how could I turn round to people who love me/us enough to want to come and say "Thanks so much for your gesture of friendship in wanting to support me/us on the most important day of our lives; thanks but no thanks, please don't come?" I couldn't. Not even a little bit.

I hate "overruling" Pete, it is his wedding and his marriage too, and he's (obviously) very important to me. I don't want to do anything that would make him uncomfortable or unhappy, even for a little bit. I love him.

However, when I thought and prayed about the matter, even after having said I'll trim my side down to around 30 guests (as low as I could go), I just couldn't do it. The very thought cuts right across the grain of who I am.

I'll do anything for Pete. I'll make any accommodation I can to make him happy and comfortable. I love him.

But I can't actually change me. I don't think he'd like that person if I did. We're having a large wedding.